Within the ‘just coz’ is the fact that children can’t look after themselves and depending on their age are still to learn independence, self-reliance, and autonomy. Our capacity to make decisions isn’t fully developed until the neural pathways are formed in brain at the age of twenty-five. Children aren’t good at making decisions and are easily confused and overwhelmed. It’s just how it is. In the animal kingdom, the human baby is dependent, helpless, powerless, and a victim to its circumstances longer than any other species. We take longer to learn, grow, and mature than other animals.
There are skills to learn every step of the way throughout our maturing from birth until we are twenty-five. Then we just repeat what we learnt over and over. If some of that learning doesn’t serve us as adults then we can learn new skills and make changes in our lives. Sometimes the adults in our lives didn’t have the skills to teach us so we had to learn them later in life. It all sounds pretty simple really, except it isn’t.
Our experiences impact on us and we form beliefs, ideas, thoughts, and responses that influence how we manage any future experiences that are the same or evoke the same feelings within. These interpretations colour how we see ourselves and our world. They become the filters that support and sustain our reality.
The insufficiency mentality occurs when we feel inadequate, not good enough and as if we are personally lacking some vital element within ourselves. Every time we feel the combination of inadequate, not good enough, and lacking we are in a state of insufficiency. There are seven aspects to this way of thinking and when we are doing all seven then we are fully in the insufficiency mentality to the point that it will form part of our personality.
The seven perspectives are: specialness, dependency, helplessness, powerlessness, confusion, indecision, and victimhood.
Any time we experience ourselves feeling one aspect of the insufficiency mentality then it is because we are coming from our sense of inadequacy, feeling not good enough, or from our sense of lack. We will all have times when this happens but if we internalise the feeling, personalise it, and make it our truth then we have solidified that aspect into our personality. The more we do this the more insufficient our perceptions become, the more we filter our lives through lack, inadequacy, and not being enough, the more we spiral down into greater expressions of helplessness, powerlessness, dependency, confusion, indecision, and being a victim. We will cling to our fond memories of being special just coz and abdicate our responsibility to make empowering choices to grow into our best-self.
A friend recently suggested I needed to write a whole book about the insufficiency mentality because it cripples people’s lives and no one understands how it is formed, what to do about it, and how to change it. Over the following weeks I will do just that.
What are your experiences of the insufficiency mentality?