Sometimes it takes years before all the pieces of the puzzle come together. I know that’s not a very hip thing to say but it’s true. Whether we like it or not there is a timing factor that influences our healing and it’s out of our control! You can – will it, tap it, essence it and affirm it – all you like but sometimes an issue just isn’t ready to be healed yet. That’s when patience and surrendering enter the picture and it’s time for going with the flow.
In the place of empowered realism I would offer this – let go of all the rules you have read in self-help books and allow your healing to unfold in ways that are right for you.
Too often in our overzealousness to become healed we take on other people’s ideas about the meaning or purpose of an event and make that the reason why we went through it. Yet, when we talk about our past or our childhood, emotion still surfaces. This is the evidence that we haven’t found all the pieces or we have false pieces in place.
When we find the answers that are true for us then the pain dissolves. Jesus said ‘the truth will set you free’ and he was right. Where we try to artificially fit ourselves into other people’s reasoning we remain stuck in the pain.
Frequently when working with people they will say to me “How do I know if what I’m remembering is true?” Or even “Where is the right place to start?” The answer to both questions is the same – if you feel better then it’s true and right! If the memory wasn’t true healing wouldn’t occur and wherever you start will take you where you need to go.
The challenge we face is that stored memories are a mix of stories told by adults at the time, blended with our feelings of the event, our intuition and the retold story years after the event. We don’t know what the truth is, and therefore we don’t know how to heal our wounds.
When we are deceived by memories because we try to put our family’s version of events into our personal memories, we find they don’t agree with each other. Having converted experiences into another meaning other than the one we felt at the time, healing feels overwhelming and misleading. But as we peel away the layers of what we have been told and access our feelings and intuition we discover new perspectives of old events.
Our perception lens must be cleared for us to connect with our truth. This isn’t about there being one right perception or meaning that your truth is everyone’s truth. It is nothing more than a statement about what we all have to do for ourselves. When we embrace that our perception is our experience and our way to heal, then we will allow that others have their own perceptions and reality.
For many years I have drawn a picture in my classes of a stick figure – I can’t draw to save myself – with multiple oblong circles around the figure to represent our layers. Then I draw a number of lines of varying lengths that pierce through those layers. The idea is that some issues in our lives will be resolved quicker than others.
Other issues will resurface and need to be reviewed to allow for new perspectives to be released and transformed as each layer is peeled away. But there will be one or two BIG themes in our lives that go all the way to the core of us. These biggies keep coming up as each layer is peeled away and reworked and reworked.
The key is to follow the emotion because it is our feelings that guide us to find our experiences, our meaning, and our truth. Any technique that provides clarity and assists with the peeling away of layers is vital to use. My favourites are: journaling, the taking of flower essence remedies and using emotional freedom technique and matrix reimprinting.
With this toolbox of techniques and a book, like Making Sense of the Insensible, and the accompanying workbooks, that deal with life realistically by explaining the intentions, needs and motivations of all involved, you can do the work it takes to dissolve the pain you have carried throughout your life. It really is possible to grow beyond your experiences to become all you were born to be.
Too often people give up or get overwhelmed because they have been told they should be over their hurts by now. I just think it’s mean to place such limitations on our healing process. So I’d suggest, shake it all off and believe in you.
What can you do today to take the next step in your healing journey?