The greatest block is due to our innate attachment to the idea that everyone is just like us. The fact that most ‘–isms’ stem from the fear of those who are not like us backs up this state of absoluteness we have that safety can only be found when others are the same as we are.
The healing industry feeds this notion with ideas that ‘whatever problem you are having with another is simply a reflection of an aspect you don’t like about yourself,’ ‘anyone in your life is there because you have attracted them in so you can learn something about yourself,’ and ‘you are born into a family because you all have common lessons to learn.’
While each of them has truth embedded within the meaning they each need an asterisk attached saying: only applies if it helps you heal and grow.
It is not a comfortable thought that there are people amongst us, our friends, our family, and our work colleagues, who don’t want what we want. They are not motivated by love, belonging, connection, a sense of oneness. Peace, harmony, cooperation, respect are not the values they live by. They live to win. They live to control. They live to manipulate. They will lie and deceive if that is what it takes to win. They are who those books about difficult personalities are written about and they are who we need a different approach toward when engaging with.
The litmus test on who might be in the difficult zone: observe what their response to being held accountable is.
Those who resort to insulting the person who identifies their lies, deceptions, illusions, mistakes, non-nurturing behaviours, harsh words or callous actions are displaying who they are. The purpose of this insult is to throw us off and make us angry and defensive. It is how they get the upper hand and shift the focus from them to us. Once we are stuck defending and justifying our hurt or explaining ourselves we have fallen for their trick and they win. We walk away feeling awful and wondering what is wrong with us?
Those who baffle us with their unreasonable demands, chaotic rationality and illogical arguments are displaying who they are. When they make it so difficult for us to communicate with them that we just give up and let them have it their way, they are displaying who they are.
And who is that? Someone who must win at all costs. Someone who has to be right, no matter what. Someone who maintains their self-perception as perfect by denying any other reality. Someone who will say it’s white when it is clearly black. Someone who has disconnected from their feelings and functions from their intellect.
Emotions are our inner guide. When we feel hurt by these people’s blindness to the impact of their choices; by their deafness to our pleas for compassion, empathy and love; and by their insensitivity because they lack the ability to feel for others, feel for us, we have to listen to our intuition. The messages are there telling us who this person is.
What to do?
Firstly, what we resist persists. No battle against drugs or cancer or bullies ever removes it. Disentangle from trying to find how you are the same as this person who lives in a state of ignorance. It is ignorance that denies truth, justice, fairness and honesty. Ignorance creates injustice because of its very denial of all things outside of itself. Let it go.
Acceptance is the next step. Accept this person as they are. Know who they are. Understand that this is how they think, act and behave. Don’t feed them with negative energy because it increases their capacity to be even more competitive, more dominating and more manipulative. They will exaggerate the lies, deception and illusions to the point of ridiculous.
Finally, be true to yourself and centred within your heart. Get to know yourself well by journaling each day about your inner emotional musings. Act with love, no matter what. Find compassion but not complicity. Practice breathing into your heart centre and visualise sending out radiant love to the world. Be firm in your interactions with these difficult personalities. Only give what you are comfortable with and the more centred you can be the less likely you will be energetically pulled out of yourself into their irrationality. Obviously, I would also include using the Insight Cards in the Box of Inner Secrets to help you identify the unmet needs and fears and then use the Resolution and Empowerment Tapping Scripts in the Book of Inner Secrets. The clearer your energy is the less they have to pull you in with.
Do you have any practices or techniques that help you manage difficult personalities that you would like to share with others?