Knowing you are worthy is a belief you hold about yourself. It’s an attitude that filters through your interpretations. It is the foundation upon which all your other thoughts, feelings and beliefs are built on.
If you don’t know you are worthy you don’t feel okay about yourself. If you don’t feel okay then it’s highly likely that you feel faulty, bad, and worthless. It’s pretty hard to love yourself when you feel like that and it’s impossible to treat yourself with respect let alone ask others to respect you.
In fact, if you don’t know you are worthy when others treat you with respect and dignity you will reject them. You most definitely won’t let anyone love you in a healthy and nurturing way. And, if by chance, you do keep those people in your life you won’t let in their love because you will run the story that you don’t deserve their love.
When you don’t know you are worthy you are creating an internal injustice. You will treat yourself poorly. You will criticise yourself over the smallest of things. Your emotions will often be all-consuming and overwhelming. Your life will be filled with great drama, heartache, confusion, indecision or poor decisions, and all the powerlessness and helplessness you feel, will feed back into your interpretations, as evidence of why you were unworthy in the first place.
Too many of us are trying to fix our feelings of being unlovable or learning to respect ourselves without ever working on the core of our existence – our sense of worth.
It really is all about our worth.
When you have a sense of worth everything radiates out from that centre. Your capacity to be resilient; the ability to give and receive love; the setting of healthy, stable, respectful personal boundaries; your sense of personal power – the ability to act; your ability to self-assess; and your ability manage feelings and thoughts so they reflect in your behaviours.
The word ‘deserve’ drops out of your vocabulary because you no longer need to earn the right to… or have evidence of… anything. You already know you are worthy.
I hear people tell me all the time that it’s too hard to believe they are worthy. But that’s just a belief – something you made up to explain why a specific event occurred. It’s not the truth of who you are. We are all innately worthy. That means YOU are also innately worthy. And the bonus is you don’t have to DO anything to be of value. You just are!
This needs to not be confused with concepts of being a valuable member of society. Here the idea of ‘valuable’ is about contribution – service to others, the work you do, the way you treat others, or the family you are raising. This is about doing something. Your innate worth is not the same as the things you do.
The person who does something horrible like molest a child or kills another, or rapes has acted in ways that are not valued by our society. The act is abhorrent and we should never condone such behaviour. But that doesn’t mean the person is worthless.
We can’t build a humane society if we violate or invalidate any person’s worthiness. A democratic society has a legal system that imposes consequences on the people who act in ways that are unacceptable to the well-being of the society as a whole. This is the appropriate place for wrong-doing to be dealt with.
Every person on the planet, no matter what they do, is worthy; they have innate worth simply because they exist.
If we all embraced our worth and knew others were also worthy, I think we would live in a very different world.
What would change in your world if you accepted your innate worth? What did change when you embraced your innate worth?